Forever Near
by Unseen-Ender
Summary: Mello felt Near begin to shake beneath his grip and it took a moment to take it in. Near was afraid. He was actually scared… “What the hell, Near?" - I felt like writing about my version of why Nate chose to call himself Near.
1. I like white

**Based off the various Death Note Characters that I do not own.**

Near pulled his shirt down over his head, forcing his arms through the sleeves. He didn't bother unbuttoning it because it was plenty big enough to just pull on. The undershirt was the only irritating part of the whole dressing problem; its stretchy fabric felt strange as it clung to his chest.

He looked down at his tiny feet. The water from the shower he'd just taken had finally dried and now they felt horribly cold. He grabbed a brand new pair of socks from his top drawer and sat down the bed to put them on.

After a moment Near glanced up, catching the sight of himself in the mirror across the room. He was covered from head to toe in pure whiteness. He stood and walked up to his reflection, appraising himself for a moment. Everything had to be perfect. He had to be white. Nothing but white. Clean. Pure.

"Admiring yourself?" Matt said. He'd been walking past Near's room at just that moment and had apparently decided to invite himself in. "How come all you ever where is white?"

"I like white."

"Yeah, I figured."

Matt smiled. It was then that Near noticed something.

"Where are your games?"

The older boy sighed, adjusting the goggles on the top of his head, "Mello hid them. I can't find them anywhere. Wanna help?"

Near nodded quietly, "Let me get some toys."

As he waited, Matt fiddled around with a toy car, spinning circles around a duckie, "Where do we look first?"

"I'm sure you've check your room and probably the playroom as well, right?" After he received a nod he continued on, "Did you try the kitchen?"

Matt scrunched up his face, "Why would they be there?"

"Because Mello knows you well enough to know that you wouldn't think to look in such a strange place. I doubt that he's taken into account the possibility of me helping you. Technically I should be in class right now."

"Why aren't you?" Matt asked. He didn't picture Near as someone who'd play hooky.

Near shrugged casually, "I needed a cleaner shirt."

They traveled through the hall and down the stairs, turning into the kitchen. The room was empty at this time of day. The breakfast dishes had long since been cleaned up and it was still too early on for lunch to be prepared. This was the perfect time to snoop around without getting into trouble.

Matt walked into the room and pulled himself up to sit on the counter, "Do you really think that he would hide them in here? People come in and out of here all day."

But Near was already across the room. He'd gotten there surprisingly quickly and was now moving one game system after another from the open cabinet. He pulled each from the depths of a cereal box, careful not to get the few bits of chocolate puffs on the floor.

"Oh, wow!" Matt shouted as he jumped down and raced across the room to grab his handheld. He hugged it close to his face like a teddy bear, "How'd you know where they were?"

"These are his favorites," Near informed the boy, "I figured they'd be the last place anyone would look. No one would dare to touch his chocolate."

"And yet you're doing it anyways, you ass!"

Matt froze mid snuggle and his eyes traveled over to his roommate, who'd chosen this exact moment to appear, "Hey Mello."

"Hi," Mello snarled. His attention turned back to Near, "Why can't you mind your own damn business?!"

Near stood slowly, his hand reaching calmly to twirl his hair, "Matt asked me for help."

Mello turned his angry eyes on Matt, "Traitor."

"You weren't going to tell me and I had to find them somehow!" Matt pouted slightly, "I was on level thirty-six for crying out loud! Do you expect me to stay in the Forbidden Castle _forever_?"

"It really wasn't fair of you to hide them in the first place, Mello," Near stated, "You know how much dependence he has on those systems. If you were really a friend you wouldn't treat him so roughly."

Matt froze again. He'd been about to flip on the system, but he wondered if it was such a good idea right now. He might need to keep his eyes up, if only to avoid any sudden strikes.

"Out," Mello commanded. His eyes were trained on the boy in white, but his stern words were obviously meant for the other, "Now."

"Don't hurt him," Matt said as he gathered up all of his things into his arms. He had to make his escape now, "You know what Roger will do if you do."


	2. Where do you think you're goin?

Now the room fell very quite. Very, very quite as the only two left stared intently at one another. Near stood calmly, his eyes never faulting, his stance firm and unswayed by the waves of hatred that were coming off the older boy. Mello felt his hands clench and unclench at his sides.

"I can tell that you're angry."

"How observant of you."

Near started to head for the exit, "I'm late for class."

Mello grabbed him before he could reach the door, "Uh uh. Where do you think you're going?"

"To-"

His socked feet had no traction on the tiled floor and could do nothing to keep him from being dragged across the room. He was thrown onto the floor by the fridge and Mello pressed his foot down on Near's chest to hold him firmly down.

"Let's see…"

Mello began to rummage through the contents of the fridge. He pulled out various items, setting them down the nearby counter. Soon there was a mix of syrups, sauces, condiments, all pilled up on the marble.

The boy slammed the door shut and Near tried to use the side of the cabinet as leverage to push away, but Mello grabbed his shirt and pulled him onto his feet.

"What should we make you into? Huh?" Grabbing the ketchup off the counter, Mello smirked widely. "Well, you already seem to think your some sort of hot dog, so why don't we go with that?"

Near was staring at the ketchup as if the stuff was acid. The red was penetrating his brain, creeping into his subconscious. He fought desperately with the sudden emotion that filled him.

"Please, don't," The voice was strained and weak. He moved his hands suddenly to cover his face.

But it was too late. The contents of the bottle were pouring down over his head, his chest. The red was dripping down over him, coating him. It was dripping. Dripping like blood.

Mello felt Near begin to shake beneath his grip and it took a moment to take it in. Near was _afraid_. He was actually scared… Mello looked down at the condiment in his hands.

"What the hell, Near. It's just ketchup!"

He moved his trembling hands from his face and stared down at them. Red. Nothing but red. Pain shot through his chest as a sob ripped from him.

Mello let go then. What was going on?! This wasn't like Near at all. He wasn't just afraid. He was terrified now. Mello was sure that he was going to scream in a second.

"Chill out, just go upstairs and change!"

But Near couldn't hear him. His mind was somewhere else. Lost in a memory that he'd long since blocked from his mind. The red on his hands wasn't ketchup anymore. It really _was_ blood.


	3. Don't go

"_Please, Mom," the boy said. His voice shook uncontrollably as did his tiny hand as he reached over to place his palm against her cheek. "You'll be fine"_

_Her back was pressed against the wall, her head hung, shoulders slack. She was barely moving, the raspy breath from her lungs the only sign that she was even alive. She reached out to him and placed a weak hand at the nape of his neck, urging him forward._

_Near crawled forward into her lap, pulling his frail frame against her own. For seven years this had been his comfort, his shelter. He could feel the shelter crumbling beneath him as her body began to fail her._

_He wrapped his arms around her and she gasped slightly. He could feel the blood on his hands from the wound on her back. She was losing too much blood. He was smart enough to know that if she didn't get help now she wasn't going to make it._

"_I have to get help," he said, but her arms just wrapped tighter around him._

"_No baby!" She commanded, the force of her voice made her throat crack and she coughed slightly. A drop of blood ran down his cheek. "No, baby, don't go!"_

_She was struggling against it now. He could almost hear her heart slowing._

"_Please d-don't leave me baby. Stay near… Stay near to me; don't leave me." Her breathing faltered now and her body became heavy against his as he tried to support it. "Stay. Stay… near…to…"_

_And she was silent. Near listened for her, but heard nothing. Not even the beating of a heart. He pressed himself further against her body, willing his own heart to her. He'd give it to her if only she would breathe again. If only it would beat again. Let her have it…_


	4. I want to be Near

Water was pouring over him; hot water that stung his face and hands. His eyes tried not to focus on the red that ran down the drain. Near struggled to pull the wet shirt over his head, dropping it onto the floor of the shower with the plop.

White. He had to be white again. Wash away the color and let him be pure. He had to be unmarred. Erase it all. Blank slate. White.

His tears mixed with the water and became nothing. All the evidence of the pain and broken memory washed down the drain.

"Hey," came a voice from outside of the shower doors, "You're fine… right?"

"Yes," Near stated in a flat tone. His mind had pushed away the emotion again; he couldn't handle the intensity of it all. Let it wash down the drain as well. "You don't have to wait while I shower. I'm sure your time would be better spent on more productive things."

Mello felt his heart sink a little. Yeah, he was fine. He was completely back to normal. Well, as normal as a boy who fights against his own humanity can be. There'd been emotion there. Real, true emotion… Mello forced his thoughts away and as he spoke his voice echoed through the bathroom, "I wasn't waiting on _you_, dumbass."

"Then why are you still standing outside of the door?"

Growling to mask the emotion, Mello stormed from the room, flushing every toilet he passed. There were a few kids running up and down the hallway and he grabbed one roughly, "You. Get me some chocolate. Now."

Near turned the water off and let himself drip dry for a moment. He felt the steam of the shower pressing against his skin, the condensation keeping him clammy. Slowly he raised a hand to press against his chest. His heart was beating slightly, but he didn't feel it. It wasn't his own. This wasn't Nate's heart anymore.

--

"_That's the one you've chosen then? You're sure that's what you want your name to be?"_

"_Yes… I want to be Near."_

_Forever Near to her._


End file.
